At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Boobs speak an international language.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
