We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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