I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
