I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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