You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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