Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize