So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
