3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
