Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
