I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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