You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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