today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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