I'm jealous of your bromance
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
