I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
