Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize