If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
