I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
