I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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