margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
