Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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