How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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