When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My balls are so social today.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
