At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Shame - the story of my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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