READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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