while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
