If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize