I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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