just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
