Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize