i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
