I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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