is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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