I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
