who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
