But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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