I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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