When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
