Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
