I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
