I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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