Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
True strength comes from lack of pants
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
