I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
