My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
