Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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