So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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