Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Success! We fucked roommates!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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