i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
