He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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