This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
