Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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