I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
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