margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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