I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
