i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
