Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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