He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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