WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
