an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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