I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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