i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
