I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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