Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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