I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
