He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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