If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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