Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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