Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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