grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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