Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
