I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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