True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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