hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
